if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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