you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
