Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
