My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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