She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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