i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
