We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
