That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
