Your tits are I can't wait for
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
