Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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