Need sex. Gaining weight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
they need to just BURY HIM!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
