i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
40s are totally the cure
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
