Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
