I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
