somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
