i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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