Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
