I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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