My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
