My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someone shattered a urinal.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
