I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
