I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
3 2 1 whiskey
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
