Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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