i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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