Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
