I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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