this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
