We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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