That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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