And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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