We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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