Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
