Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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