is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
