Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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