Me. At least after what I've been through.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
