i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
