insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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