Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
