Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Congratulations! We have a period
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