the condom got lost in my hair
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
