piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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