Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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