And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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