No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
