I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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