all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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