How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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