Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
