I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
