This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
