I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
