me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
