Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
