i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
