I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
