I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
